TRUE LIFE STORY: [MY CLIENT AND I]

I remember a divorce case I handled some years ago. 

The Respondent, the wife, blatantly refused to show up in court or engage a lawyer; and the judge wasn’t ready to proceed without her.

One day in court, the judge, again, refused to proceed with the matter without the woman. That we must meet with her and hold the statutory conference before she will hear the matter. I told the judge we have served her the petition and the hearing notice for today’s sitting and clearly she is not interested in defending the petition, so, we should proceed in the interest of justice. 

The judge come vex for me o. That I should do more than that. I should get her number, call her and try to see her and hold a meeting with both of them and try to settle them. E come be like say na me wan scatter their marriage. 

The judge asked the petitioner, my client, if he doesn’t want settlement, he said no. He was visibly angry, talking about how he just wants a divorce immediately and nothing else. That they are still living together and that he is just waiting for the divorce to leave the house or kick the woman out. 

Judge says I should still meet with both of them. Everybody knows that this is the point you must shout “As the Court pleases” to avoid wahala. 

After court I collected the Respondent’s phone number from my client and called her immediately. I requested to meet with her and invited her to come to my office. Madam said she is not coming anywhere, that if I want to meet with her, my client should bring me to their house. 

I went back to the office after agreeing with my client that I will come over to his house after the close of work that same day. 

I went to their house by 5pm. We sat down and starting talking about the issue. Then I got a bombshell. 

She: Did your client tell you that he is serious about that divorce?

Me: Yes. We are in court already. He even told the judge so this morning in court. He is here now, he can tell you himself. 

She: Serious about which divorce? Is it not that court he came back from this afternoon and came and collect one doggy? 

I was totally flabbergasted. I didn’t expect that kind of raw bluntness from her. I turned to my client, he was silent and avoiding my eyes. 

Doggy? I carried my file quietly, entered my car and left. 

Like doggy? After all that heat I faced in court, you even stood there, forming anger, then you came back and collect hot doggy in the afternoon? 

What do you take lawyers for in this country? Doggy? You couldn’t even do missionary in appreciation of the lashing that judge gave me because of your divorce case, you went and did doggy. Doggy that use to sweet like wetin. 😭

Mr *Evaritus Gregory. Sir, though it is 4 years now, but I still remember. I know you will read this. I know you will laugh... from the bottom of my heart, sir, thunder fire you. 😭

*Not real name

*- By First Baba Isa (FBI)*